Finding forgiveness through years of pain

Riding shotgun with her dad in his pickup truck, eight-year-old Debra “Didi” Michaels didn’t have a care in the world. What happened next would change her world forever.

It was Jan. 26, 1980, and the father and daughter were approaching the intersection of old and new Highway 81 when a man who had been out celebrating striking oil earlier in the day slammed into their pickup truck.

Michaels doesn’t remember the accident. The next thing she remembered was waking up in the hospital. It would be some time later before she found out what had happened.

The driver of the other vehicle had died at the scene. Her father had gotten knocked out of the truck and was being attended to by first responders. 

“Where’s my daughter?” he asked.

“You haven’t got a daughter in there,” they answered.

“I got my daughter, I want my daughter out,” he insisted.

Layer after layer, first responders peeled away at the pickup truck until they found her up underneath the dashboard following what had been a 125 mph impact.

She was not expected to live. They took her to the hospital by ambulance because they thought she wouldn’t survive a helicopter ride anyway. She was told she was not only fighting for her life, but that she fought against those trying to save her in the back of the ambulance. 

She was taken to Children’s Memorial Hospital in Oklahoma City where she had emergency brain surgery as her brain was about to burst from the swelling. She spent the first two-plus months in a coma. It would be the beginning of a seven-month stay.

She had suffered paralysis on the right side of her body and a traumatic brain injury.

Many long-time Comanche residents are familiar with her story. She wants the younger generation to know it, too. She’s not looking for sympathy; she just wants to remind them of the dangers of drinking and driving because she is a living reminder.

The paralysis is still there. It is obvious to anyone who sees the familiar Michaels walking around town with her atypical gait. She can be spotted sweeping up and picking up trash downtown to help keep her beloved city clean. 

She knows people who don’t know the story might stare at her and wonder about her condition. 

 “Ask before you judge, ask before you say anything,” Michaels said. “I’m an open book. If you come up to me and ask, I’ll tell you.”

The girl who had been on the honor roll at Comanche Elementary School before the accident would have to learn to read, write and talk all over again with months of therapy. She had to learn to do everything with one hand.

It was difficult returning to school. She wasn’t the same person. She saw the whispering of her fellow students.

“Deep down, I knew that people would be making fun of me and would be imitating me,” Michaels said. “They didn’t avoid me. They all knew me, but now they had to get to know the new me.”

There were some awkward moments, however. The driver of the other vehicle had relatives working in the school cafeteria. She said that when they saw her and her sister approaching, they would turn around and walk away from the serving line. 

There was eventually some healing with the other family when she and a nephew of the other driver sat down and had a long talk many years ago.

Michaels has come to terms with her lot in life.

“This is what life has dealt me,” she said. “You’ve got to make the best of it. No pity parties.”

It hasn’t stopped her from being active in the community. She loves her community and the support it has given her over the years.

There was one final piece of the puzzle - dealing with her feelings against the other driver. Several years ago, she went out to his grave site.

“At first, I just wanted to dig him up and beat him for what he had done to me, for the pain he had caused me, for the life he had given me,” Michaels said. “But then I had a feeling of peace come over me and I forgave him.”

And every morning when she gets up, she is reminded of what happened to her nearly 46 years ago.

“Just don’t drink and drive,” Michaels said. “If you drink, have someone who is sober there or call someone that will come and pick you up. It’s a good reminder because it’s getting close to Christmas and New Year’s.”